Fork in the road

What do you do when you get there?

when you have two such impendant choices dangeling infront of you...one leads one way and the other to somewhere different.

How can you know what your life will be like when you dont know where the roads lead?

what if you choose one way and the other way was going up hill and you are tumbeling down a dirt road.

That is what the story of my life is with God. You just never know what you are doing until you do it. Its like walking through a corn maze blindfolded.

You need to be strong and take those steps of faith because there is no going back now and avoiding this choice, because life cant use PVR, it is always live and there is no rewind button.

One Boy or Another?

One Job or Another?

School or No school?

you make choices every second of everyday and at the end of your life time, you get to turn around and look at the path you have walked, the one that is paved, bumpy, steep and covered in your blood and sweat. It is your testimony and when you see the finish line, you will cry and look back on the life you had and say "that was fun" and start your next adventure.

Paths left unspoken for aren't important, because they aren't apart of making you who you are today. Period

dreaming a dream

Its 5 am...
and i am awake...
i dont know why i am awake, but i am...

I had some interesting thoughts running through my mind while i was asleep..i guess you could call them dreams..which is what they are meer dreams of mine.

First: I dreamt i went to Holland to Visit a couple friends of mine in the summer, and it was really awesome, i learnt dutch cuz the family i stayed with couldnt speak english, except for my friend. We traveled all around Holland, seeing sights and just hanging out with my two favorite dutch boys :) Then i fell in love which was nice, but sooo never going to happen...haha oh well..then it switched.

Second: I dreamt I planned a whole trip to Cannon Beach as a road trip with some of my best friends. I planned it all and convinced my friend to drive us all there because he had his full license. So that is 5 people driving down to the awesomest place ever!! We played frisbee and swam and just hung out and it was probably the best dream ive had so far, in my almost 19 short years of life.

I really love dreaming, one, i gives you this high when you have had a spectacular dream, but it also gives you this hope that...maybe, just maybe, it could come true.
These 2 dreams are actual possibilities. Driving to Cannon Beach has been in the plans for a long time now..its just convincing the people...
And as for going to holland, i have been invited, i just need to save up enough money to go there! :)

oh well...if nothing happens, at least i know i have my dreams :)

The Ending Girl

I still have not met the lady of my dreams
her long await is long past due
and i must admit i'll never meet her
Although it's true, i am not sad
For i have met a loady made of dreams
She far surpasses all that my mind could ever create
but not just in beauty
but also in heart
and integrity
spirit and in mind
Not just a plain woman to be with me always
but an extra-ordinary woman who tresures me the same
...i didnt think anyone like you could ever exsit
-Ben Bergen

I miss you <3

AHH over

I seriously hate you
and hate is a very strong word. and i dont like using it to express feelings that much.
but right now it is needed.
Dont tell me to not say it, cuz i'll regret it. and i probably will, but honestly, i need to express everything you make me feel.

You need to grow up and figure yourself out. Realise that not every girl who flirts with you likes you. They have their own ideas and crushes...it happens, just move on.

I liked you.....did you notice the "d" on the end of that? ya, its because i DID like you, but i was around you so often that I realised, you are actually a jerk and i cant stand you. You are amazing and the feelings i had for you wont go away, they will always be there, god worked something in me for you and i dont know how that will effect me, but you should not be gods plan for me....cuz it sucks....

Learn to be a friend. That requires, messaging people back, NOT shutting them out of your life. And to be a friend is to act like one...Jerk is not in the friendship list.

You will do amazing things with your life, and i will always be there if you message me, or end up letting me in...but right now...i really dont give a crap about what you will do...cuz it doesnt concern me. I fell for you, and now im done so...

OH WELL
its your loss not to be in my life, because i am going places and its too bad you arent around for the ride...

oh and ps. I dont actually religiously watch hockey...i did, because its what you liked, and i wanted something to talk to you about....but now thats over, i dont have to rush home and watch the stupid game....THANK GOODNESS.

heartless..

How could you be so Heartless
In the night, i hear them talk, the coldest story ever told

F My Life...that is where i am right now. i cant stand this, i feel so freaking bi-polar, im So happy one second and then the next im on the floor bawling my eyes out.
A great friend of mine, said something to me today.
"be the Chase" i just sat here thinking...."what the crap is the chase? what is that....you run circles around boys till they get dizzy and fall in your arms?" apparantly ya...wierd...
I have NEVER been pursued by a boy, i have always gone after and gotten what i wanted, i guess that was back in the day when i had my good looks and charm...

What should i do, be myself and wait for that one guy to run in and pay attention to me, and have me NOT fall for him and make him work for it?? that is so wierd....

Somewhere far along the road,
she lost her soul to a man so heartless...

If you havent noticed

If you havent noticed yet, i am still in the cold freezing wonders of british columbia. I didnt go to Australia. only because God had other plans for me.
His plans included amazing friends who i get to see everyday and care about me SO much. Amazing classes that i just absolutly adore, and i get to grow in my musical abillities everyday. And a Boy, who i believe could be the one...it will take alot of prayer...but there is a light at the end of the tunnel :)

I love my school very much. and i wouldnt trade it for the sun.....well....maybe somedays i would! but thats okay, we can all dream.... cant we?

New Beginnings

So, I'm officially a college student :)
I am taking a 2 year Music Ministry Program :) its amazing
there are amazing people who are so complimentary and don't cut you down (unlike high school) and the teachers are so loving and understandable (unlike high school) and The boys....omg, i cant even begin on that subject...(again....unlike high school)
I seriously wish i had never gone to high school and experienced the things i did, and i could have come straight to College, it is so unbelievably amazing, i cant even describe it!

The only downfall/upside to being a freshman, is that from September - Mid January we are not allowed to date! :S And that is really hard for me, seeing as I'm someone who has been dating since i was in grade 2...lol But it is also a great thing, because i am getting to know the people there and they are unbelievable....and some of them are just pretty faces... and aren't people i would get into a relationship with...but i would have never learned this if i didn't get to know them..and i did what i usually do and just jump into the relationship because i want to.
Of course there are the guys i do like and are STILL on my list of possibilities....right now, i only want them as friends because they are very dear to me...which is again a good thing and a bad thing.
Good-i know them, and they know me, and we have a friendship that i don't want to lose
Bad - I know them, and they know me, and we have a friendship that i don't want to lose.

dilemma? i believe so.
But right now, i really think god needs me to focus on him and not 100% on the relationships with the guys....he knows that is how he made me, but he doesn't want me to lunge towards them, he needs me to scope them out and he will provide the path that will lead me to the right spot :)

But school is amazing, i have amazing friends, who are beautiful on the inside AND out and I'm learning so much about music and my voice/playing that i don't feel so inadequate around all these unbelievable musicians and singers :)
God has really blessed this school with some amazingly talented people, and I'm so glad i am there to enjoy the ride :)

<3

Choices

Why are the paths that have been laid out for us so full of distractions and bad easy choices?

Why cant they just jump out at us and when they are right, why do they have to act like 5 year olds and make everyone of them look innocent and correct.

With School for example, I was able to see that staying at home, would literally cause me to kill myself in the first couple of months. Only because, my mother and I love eachother and hate eachother at the EXACT same time. We fight, bicker, and cause eachother sever migranes. I honestly believe i have my time in the month because of the arguments we have....SOO STRESSFUL!

But to live on campus for a year is close to 4,000$ which is absolutly insane. So my amazing mother offers me a choice either i can live on campus and she's more than willing to pay, or i can live at home for free and my mom will buy me a nice cheap car and the first year of insurance. Basically i can come home to eat and sleep and do w.e......Beautiful eh?

As of now tho, i am realising that this offer is like a Veenus Fly Trap..to a fly it looks like a beautiful flower and will go and rest on it, till the trap SHUTS right on top of it.

I am the fly, and the car is the fly trap. If i take the car, im stuck living at home, where me and my mom want to kill eachother everyday. and i honestly dont know how i will manage.

Its a debate, but ill honestly not be home EVER when i have my car. so it really doesnt matter, and i get the best of both worlds......right?

Jesus Messiah♪

He became sin

Who knew no sin

That we might become His Righteousness

He humbled himself and carried the cross

Love so amazing

Love so amazing

Jesus Messiah

Name above all names

Blessed Redeemer, Emmanuel

The rescue for sinners

The ransom from Heaven

Jesus Messiah Lord of all

His body the bread

His blood the wine

Broken and poured out all for love

The whole earth trembled And the veil was torn

Love so amazing

Love so amazing, yeah

All our hope is in You

All our hope is in You

All the glory to You, God

The light of the world

Love where did you go?

Irony...oh bittersweet irony.

Ive loved you forever
and now your gone
washed away by the sea of change.
God, i know he's coming,
and i know he's there
but why wait, why suffer?
i just honestly dont understand.
irony is something ive never understood
but is my life changed?
different?
or am i just waiting for fate...again

love is a battlefield is SUCH an understatment
people die, get burned, shot down, but in the end, whats meant to be will be right?

ahh....love....go fall in a hole

Life change

Australia, my new home away from home.

On december 23rd, i applyed for a program called YWAM (youth with a mission).and on the 27th they called me personally, to tell me i was accepted!

The program is all about Evangelism, Missions and other major ministries. I have been called to Music Ministry, and have a large heart for wanting to pursue that career. The program is 4,101$ AUD and that covers, medical, tuition, food, and other travels in australia. I have to pay for my flight there and back, which is about 1,300$ CAD one way alone. ...not to mention im going on a missions trip to New Zealand or Hawaii...im not adding in those costs yet.

Im excited that god has called me to do this, and i really cant wait to go. but id be in Australia/Newzealand for 6 months...from October- March....so that includes, Christmas, New Years and my birthday. but i ahve to REALLy weigh my options. Sun and music for 6 months...or 3 holidays i have every year. Once in a life time opportunity or Holidays that are so routine i could do them in my sleep. hmmmmm toughy. NOT

good times all around....i wil be updating my blog when i go, and keeping a day to day journal on everything im doing, YAY for internet <3

tootles xoxo

Hello :)

So, my last Blog got semi deleted...(aka, i forgot my password and couldnt get it back)
so here's this one..

Love on Fire:
your probably wondering...."um, what? nice nmae , what does it mean?"
well...i chose this name because, for the past year, my love for god is so passionate, that its like a blazing fire, people just dont want to touch it because they could get burned if they mess with it. and no water can put it out...even tho they have tried.

So, keep tuned for my updates :)
ill be around <3